I Want To be Loved

By: Nina Mistier

From the time we are children we long to find love; that special someone that will
fill the desire in our hearts; the one from the fairytales.  The one that will rescue
us from ourselves and make life a beautiful place to be.  When we meet that
person there are sparks, longing and desire.  We think about that person from
morning until night and crave their touch more than our next breath.  A few
months pass and something changes, but what is it?  Reality and life enter the
romance and it is now brought to the next level.  We perceive things differently
and love each other differently.  Our individual personalities and histories come
forth and suddenly things have changed.  

We are all very different on the inside based on our experiences growing up.  The
emotional responses we received as children, the level of affection or appreciation
the demonstration or neglect of love are different in every family.  Sometimes
there is emotional blackmail and manipulation which is passed down through
generations.  Most people don’t realize there is a problem until there are
difficulties with others who have different responses and perceptions.  Our
families did not know any other way than what they were taught, but we have a
choice.

In order to be happy in a relationship you must get to know yourself first.  Pay
attention to your words and how you speak to people.  Notice how you feel when
others speak to you.  Are you sensitive to hurtful words or do they roll off your
back?  Do you have a sharp tongue or do you think before you speak?  Are you
aware of how powerful words can be?  How do you want to be loved; do you enjoy
physical affection, gifts or words of love?  If you know and like yourself you will
pay attention to the style of communication and loving the other person has to
offer.  Many people leave relationships blaming the other person for it’s demise,
but end up in many more relationships with the same theme.  Don’t blame others
for your unhappiness.  Take notice of what is happening and take responsibility
for your own happiness and part in your relationships.  Relationships require
some conscious effort; we do not read each other’s minds.  There must be
communication of needs and differences in a loving way on a consistent basis.  A
relationship needs to be nurtured like a small child with love, patience and
understanding of the developmental process.  There is no room for abuse or
disrespect of any kind for this will destroy the relationship.  Love yourself first so
you can love another.

Nina Mistier is a Holistic Counselor, College Instructor, Yoga Instructor and
mother who has a Advanced degree in Counseling Supervision, a Master of
Science in Counseling Psychology, a Bachelor of Science in Psychology, Yoga
Certification and studies nutrition, energy and positive psychology and holistic
healing.
The New York Optimist
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