“Don’t Let Fear Ruin Your Relationship”
By: Nina Mistier
Many people are living their dreams; they work at what they are passionate about, live with the love of their lives and have
great relationships with their families. They feel happy and excited and create more happiness everyday. Many people are
not living their dreams. Many people live their lives trying to avoid the things they fear most, thinking about what they don’t
want and developing anxiety and physical breakdown from the stress of these thoughts and worries. Life is a series of
learning experiences that can mar our innocence, feelings of security, faith in people and shut down our dreams or make us
stronger. The choice is ours…
Fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real and yet it runs the lives of many people. If fear is not real then why do we allow it to
make decisions for us and steal our happiness? It is because of our habitual thought patterns. The thoughts that run through our heads
everyday are programmed to do so until we consciously change them. Our interpretations of relationships are following suit with what we
saw as children and young adults. This is all we know so it is what we do. If we are not happy with what we saw and what we are now
experiencing then something has to change. If we do the same thing everyday we will get the same results.
Change comes from within not from the outside. If you want to change something about your life, your relationships, your work, your
happiness, your anxiety, you must choose one area at a time and make a conscious decision to shift your perception about that area. For
example, if you are not happy in your relationship with your significant other and you complain about how bad the relationship is, nothing
good will happen and nothing can change. However, if you decide to think about the positive aspects of your relationship and what you do
appreciate about having this person in your life, you will notice a change in the other person, as well. If your child is not behaving the way
you want and you always say how bad he/she is and how he/she always does this and never does that, your child will indeed continue this
behavior. If you shift your words and state clearly what you want from the child and try to focus on what your child does that is great, that
shifts the feeling to positive and your child will try to behave more positively. It works with any relationship or situation; if you focus on the
positive aspects of the situation, you will notice more positive, if you focus on the negative aspects, you will experience more negative.
Fear creates problems in relationships, because people fear loss, loneliness, rejection, abandonment and change. These thoughts,
conscious or unconscious are negative and do not allow you to perceive the relationship clearly, but rather through the eyes of fear. Try
something different, just for today and focus on the good, the parts you are grateful for, the things you would not want to do without and
notice how good that feels in your gut. Those happy intentional thoughts are helping to bring more happiness to your relationship. Anything
worth having requires great effort; do the work and reap the benefits.
Nina Mistier is a Holistic Counseling Psychologist, College Instructor, Yoga Instructor and Mother who holds an Advanced
degree in Counseling Supervision, Master of Science in Counseling Psychology, Bachelor of Science in Psychology, studied
with John Gray, Albert Ellis and studies holistic healing, positive psychology, energy psychology and nutrition.
September 13, 2009
By: Nina Mistier
Many people are living their dreams; they work at what they are passionate about, live with the love of their lives and have
great relationships with their families. They feel happy and excited and create more happiness everyday. Many people are
not living their dreams. Many people live their lives trying to avoid the things they fear most, thinking about what they don’t
want and developing anxiety and physical breakdown from the stress of these thoughts and worries. Life is a series of
learning experiences that can mar our innocence, feelings of security, faith in people and shut down our dreams or make us
stronger. The choice is ours…
Fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real and yet it runs the lives of many people. If fear is not real then why do we allow it to
make decisions for us and steal our happiness? It is because of our habitual thought patterns. The thoughts that run through our heads
everyday are programmed to do so until we consciously change them. Our interpretations of relationships are following suit with what we
saw as children and young adults. This is all we know so it is what we do. If we are not happy with what we saw and what we are now
experiencing then something has to change. If we do the same thing everyday we will get the same results.
Change comes from within not from the outside. If you want to change something about your life, your relationships, your work, your
happiness, your anxiety, you must choose one area at a time and make a conscious decision to shift your perception about that area. For
example, if you are not happy in your relationship with your significant other and you complain about how bad the relationship is, nothing
good will happen and nothing can change. However, if you decide to think about the positive aspects of your relationship and what you do
appreciate about having this person in your life, you will notice a change in the other person, as well. If your child is not behaving the way
you want and you always say how bad he/she is and how he/she always does this and never does that, your child will indeed continue this
behavior. If you shift your words and state clearly what you want from the child and try to focus on what your child does that is great, that
shifts the feeling to positive and your child will try to behave more positively. It works with any relationship or situation; if you focus on the
positive aspects of the situation, you will notice more positive, if you focus on the negative aspects, you will experience more negative.
Fear creates problems in relationships, because people fear loss, loneliness, rejection, abandonment and change. These thoughts,
conscious or unconscious are negative and do not allow you to perceive the relationship clearly, but rather through the eyes of fear. Try
something different, just for today and focus on the good, the parts you are grateful for, the things you would not want to do without and
notice how good that feels in your gut. Those happy intentional thoughts are helping to bring more happiness to your relationship. Anything
worth having requires great effort; do the work and reap the benefits.
Nina Mistier is a Holistic Counseling Psychologist, College Instructor, Yoga Instructor and Mother who holds an Advanced
degree in Counseling Supervision, Master of Science in Counseling Psychology, Bachelor of Science in Psychology, studied
with John Gray, Albert Ellis and studies holistic healing, positive psychology, energy psychology and nutrition.
September 13, 2009
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